Three things you don’t get used to

There are three baby-related things I never seem to get used to. Each time any of these three things happens, I am utterly shocked.

  1. Projectile vom – Usually occurring at the end of a long day. Baby is grouchy and doesn’t want to sleep. You finally get them drinking milk and watch with inner ecstasy at their drooping eye-lids. The sense that you are mere minutes away from peacefully paging through the latest Marie Claire in your freshly washed linen almost brings you to tears. Then they sit up. Mouth opens. Eyes like saucers. Milk exits like a fountain. A perfect arching white spurt that covers his feet, three cuddly toys, two layers of linen and one designer pillow that you forgot to take out. You sit there for a few seconds realising the task that lies ahead. Changing and cleaning baby (while he gets more and more excited) ripping off linen, pillow cases. Place soiled clothes, linen and toys into washing basket. Re-making bed. Putting in fresh toys. Starting entire bedtime routine over again. Shoot me now. Marie Claire gets another layer of dust.
  2. Nappy leaks – this is a daily occurrence for most mothers. While the nappy fits and you know you put in on right, there will be an inevitable leak. My worst is a fresh outfit, in winter, which means multiple layers, right after changing them. When it seeps through the nappy, onesie, leggings and shirt/jumper you cannot believe the amount laundry a baby can generate before 7am. And can I just ask, HOW does poo get to his belly??? It goes against logic and gravity.
  3. Sneezing when feeding – unlike the other two this usually makes me laugh. Because when I feed Jack food I am prepared for a mess in the first place. That said, when a baby sneezes at the exact second you shove a heaped spoon of mango goop into his mouth, you will not believe the spray-zone. Your walls, face, couch, dog, floor, clothing, shoes, socks (goop loves gaps)… is really rather miraculous and comes without a moments warning. Little tricksters.

Here is a cute pic of my son with his grandma to erase any visual images you have conjured up reading the above three points….you are welcome 😉

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