The Crazy

I was just reminded today of ‘the crazy’ while speaking to a new mum in my office. This is extremely hard for anyone who hasn’t had a baby to understand, but I will try and do my bit for humanity and educate those who are in close contact with new mums and value their lives.

The first +-8 weeks after having a baby turns you into a massively over-sensitive drama queen on crack. The mood swings are like nothing else. I felt like I had a crazy devil on my left shoulder making me yell obscenities at my husband for the lamest reason, like watering the pot plant while I was talking, or folding a blanket I was planning on folding myself.

While you are yelling you are simultaneously thinking ‘what the hell is your problem!!?? why are you being a bitch!!??? STOP YELLING’ and yet you continue to yell and cry and flail your arms.

The triggers are not predictable so no one can ever be prepared or learn to avoid certain situations. So basically there is NOTHING your partner can do except stand there and be abused, and wait for the apology to follow when the woman you married returns.

All I can say is that no one knows how you feel, how isolated, lonely, sore and scared you are. No matter who is around you, you feel like an island with huge waves crashing onto your shores. Because at the end of the day it is your body; your breasts that feed, your skin that calms, your voice that soothes, and only mummy will do. And that is really really tough.

I took this photo during that time because I felt so alone and this bench represented that for me in many ways. A beautiful but lonely scene with sunshine and shadows.

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The fog does lift, others can start to help more and you begin to heal and get a little sleep. But don’t fight ‘The Crazy’ It is a fleeting phase of motherhood not to be ashamed of and nothing you say or do in this time should ever be held against you.

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