if you count time in blocks of three minutes because that’s the length of the cot mobile song
If you never know what day of week or date of month it is – all days blur together so who cares? It’s not like there are weekdays and weekends anymore, it’s simply divided into good and bad days and nights
If you/partner use the muslin as your dinner napkin, drying cloth, tissue…..
If cold tea is massively satisfying
If you ignore the milk vomit that he just threw up after you just you finished intricately layering his clothes and heading out the door with your head held high. ‘if I don’t acknowledge it, it didn’t happen‘
To use the hairdryer as a soothing device, or stand next to the washing machine (it really works!!!!)
If you sleep with one freezing exposed shoulder and a neck cramp to avoid waking and moving baby after a late night feed
To hope that snot ball will just go away on its own… I’ll just give it five more minutes…. (don’t you just hate that suction device?!)
If your favourite time of your day is when you are in the shower
If you secretly try on your skinny jeans even though you know for a fact they won’t fit
To avoid mirrors for a while
If you call three friends and your mum to tell them you made scrambled eggs and a cup of tea and ate it with a knife and a fork while still hot! This.Is.Epic.
To read Mailonline on your IPad instead of bedtime stories
To leave the soiled linen that extra day when you co-sleep (ewww I know I know)
To cut his finger with nail clippers- I mean, it’s not, obviously, but it’s inevitable. While he will move past it in 10 seconds, his silent open mouth cry will haunt your soul forever. It’s enough punishment. Move on.
To feel jealous of another mum in the park who looks rested and thin with same age baby.
To feel smug when a mother of two (one baby and one toddler) blasts past with crap flying everywhere because you only have one. Although secretly you know it’s possibly a sign of things to come.
To have to stop yourself hugging the lady with twin babies in the supermarket – although she would probably love it 😉
If your laptop is now a tray for baby stuff on the couch arm
If you go to bed with a Mothercare catalogue instead of a book
To cry when it all gets too much.
To ask for help
To ignore the phone
To cancel lunch with friends at the last minute because you’re exhausted and he just fell into a deep sleep